My Trip To The Tenth Circle of Hell

Circles of Hell joke references
this literary classic

This is week three in The Tenth Circle of Hell, as Mr. Klas and I have been referring to it. This is the reason I haven’t blogged in weeks. Perhaps I could title this blog ‘The Pain and The Yearning’ or ‘I Chose Bland over Pain’ or I could be brutally honest and title it what I say to myself often and sometimes aloud, ‘I’m Fracking Hungry!’ 

I’m not the healthiest of people, I have severe allergies, a crappy immune system, (high white blood cell count) photo-sensitivity, hyperglycemia and I internalize my stress. I do vitamins, allergy tests, acupuncture, light therapy and Pilates. I like vegetables, salads, meats, fruit, pasta and breads. I make balanced meals, but I do eat a lot of breads and pasta. I’ve never liked rice or fish very much. I juice almost daily, eat oatmeal for breakfast four days a week. I am careful to hydrate and still, I eat charcoal like others use after-dinner mints because my digestion is always off and very, very, painful.

I’m blessed to be married to a man who does not demand I engage in excessive out-door activity, (so my sensitivity to the sun is not worsened) nor does he have a desire to indulge in unhealthy foods, so I don’t have to battle that temptation. I am truly blessed!

Lately, the bouts of insomnia and stomach issues have been overwhelming and I had severe dark circles under my eyes for the first time ever. He suggested I try a cleanse…so I thought I’d document the progress. However, it grew into something different altogether. 

Do you like scary movies? Read on.

First week’s grocery list

Lasagna noodles, Mozzarella, Ricotta, Parmesan, Sauce, Greek Yogurts, ice cream, ice cream bars, Jalapeño chips (Because Mr Klas has to eat too)

Kidney/dandelion tea

Parsley

Spinach

Kale

Onion

Celery

Lemons

Apples

Cucumbers (organic)

Mint

Beets

Banana

Carrots (organic)

Sweet potato

Pears

Green pepper

Collards or chard

Cilantro

Romaine

Avocado

Raw almonds

Plain Greek Yogurt

Coconut juice

Cherry Juice

Cranberry  Juice

Watermelon

Really the kidney cleanse wasn’t bad, I found a great blog, and her smoothie’s and juices were yummy. Since I’m hyperglycemic, I couldn’t go three days with only that sugar from the juices and fruit, so I did eat almonds, some grilled chicken and some of the leftover ingredients. (mmm avocado). The first day I could feel my kidney and bladder working. I was definitely low energy the first and second day and to micturate more than normal. The third day I was grumpy, I just wanted a sandwich, I was over it. 

On the day after the fast, day four, I noticed the discoloration under my eyes was almost completely gone and I felt good. I actually felt good. I didn’t have any stomach issues during those four days, (other than the normal steady stomach ache) so I was excited to tell Pop about it (he struggles with kidney stones) and I planned on doing it again in a few weeks and would make some extra for him to try. Mom decided to opt-out as it is required to go caffeine free for three days.

After the cleanse, Mr. Klas and I made a trip out of town and saw my husband’s Uncle Harold, who is a naturopath-chiropractor-makes-his-own-vitamins-genius. He ran my blood and for the first time I got to see what my high white cell count looked like (kinda scary, not gonna lie) then we sat and watched my white blood cells die as he pointed out bacteria and parasites in my blood. (eww) We discussed my medical history, and he prescribed some vitamins, offered to irradiate my blood and do a chiropractic adjustment.

I’ve been to a chiropractor before, but this man made me sound like a roll of packing bubbles being twisted and popped. (I felt all better the next day) The blood thing made me a little dizzy, but next time we are in town I’ll stop by and see if it helped.

Later that day, we drove out to see a gal named Betty that does muscle testing. First thing she mentioned (that Harold mentioned too) was to take out my belly ring. Having piercings along the center of your body goofs up your energy flow. SO there went that.

A few things popped up as she tested me, but she decided my guts were a mess, and a primary concern, so she started there. She agreed with the vitamins Harold gave me, and suggested a different dosage. She said for the next 90 days I needed to avoid some foods.

‘No problem.’ I said

She then held my hand and with very serious big blue eyes she said. ‘No oatmeal, no granola.’

I started to cry.

Who cries when their oatmeal is taken away? Me.

  

‘No crackers, no tortillas. No wheat or grains okay? Let's try this for 90 days and see if it helps.’ She says.

So it could be worse right? I can still have a juicy steak, veggies and a glass of wine for dinner. And I can check in a few weeks to see if things are getting better. I don’t have to have croutons in my salad, and I can live without regular beer. See what a positive attitude I have?

I was going to do a daily log for you, but it was getting ugly, so I’ll just give you the week by week review and later add links to the yummy recipes I found, because of hindsight being what it is.

Week 1

What I am cutting out, includes, oats, wheat, grains and corn.

This is NOT gluten free. It's beyond that, lots of 'Gluten Free' has corn starch, corn syrup. I can not have corn, so basically everything but rice is out. I can have rice. Did I ever share with you how much I DON’T like rice?

The first few days I was craving things, just because I couldn’t have them. I’ve never been the kind of gal that liked being told what to do, but as this is my health, I decided not to be a rebel without a cause

                                       (though I do love the movie).

So the first few days I was craving Doritos (I never ever buy Doritos), I seriously wanted a sandwich, or toast, or pasta, pizza, vanilla syrup in my coffee…but as this is not a diet, I can’t just cheat. I have to endure, to see if wheat (or something in that category) is the issue.

The last few days of the week I wasn’t moping over the food I was missing, I legitimately felt hungry, even when my stomach was full. 

My body wanted something and I could not do anything about it. This is the closest I have felt to being an addict. I didn’t have the energy or strength to work out (my body was transitioning from getting energy from my normal carbs and sugars, to gaining energy from only protein). I couldn’t sleep all week, I couldn’t get comfortable. I was cranky, and had a very short fuse, my skin was crawling. Who knew one could have food-withdrawals?

The vitamins made me throw up, so I called Betty and we lowered the vitamin dosage.

Friday night I finally slept a few hours. I felt normal-hungry the first Saturday morning.

Recipes

Squash and Shrimp Alfredo

Kale Chips

Taco meat and rice chips

Rice Crackers and Cheese

Week two of cleanse

Okay, I cheated.

I had a half of one of those tiny Pepsi bottles. Within 30min I was in pain that I had forgotten I used to be in all the time. Holy cow. 

So I thought, what the heck, I've already done some damage, I have to start the 90 days over so why not have some toast! Double ouch.

It took a few days for the pain to go away, pain caused by eating what I shouldn't. I hardly ate anything for those few days and ditched the vitamins. I need to remember, this is not a diet, this a lifestyle change! Perhaps I had to test things and know for sure, but I cannot imagine going back to the way things were. Still I am trying to keep up with the vitamins.

Recipes

Spaghetti Squash Boat

Squash and Shrimp Alfredo

Eggplant Lasagna

Gluten Free Bread

Mashed Potato stuffed with Broccoli, topped with Ruth’s Cheese sauce

Week Three

This recipe thing is getting easier. I found a few awesome bread recipes and they go well with this tasteless Chicken Rice Noodle Soup and this edible Stu recipe. 

Breakfast time is really getting to me. Have you ever had rice cereal? Some of you feed this to your babies. Have you eaten it? Did I mention how I feel about rice? (Should I insert the picture of Toby Maguire sniveling here?) Thankfully we got some fresh peaches and that helped me masticate it. Also, before you suggest I eat eggs for breakfast, eggs are a food I have had allergies to for many years, so I don’t like to eat them too often.

Do I sound whiney? Because I am. I miss what I used to eat. This is probably the most emotionally difficult week so far.  You should probably pray for my husband.

What to take away from this? My stomach does not hurt, my digestion is positively spiffing. I don’t know that this has ever been the case. Stomach pain and suffering have been the norm for me as long as I can remember. This is amazing! However, I still think that I feel like I am hungry. Or do I really just think that I ‘need’ what I am used to eating? (wheat and grains). I’ll ponder that as I go into week four.

Is week four going to be worth it? Yes!